


The Object of My Best Friend's Affections (Amber Orange in the Sun Remix)

by KannaOphelia



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: But ends up match-making them anyway, But love will find a way anyway, Character's Best Friend Disapproves of His Taste In Men, Dax is just there to have fun, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Holodecks/Holosuites, Humor, Long-suffering Miles O'Brien, M/M, Miles and Dax and Nog probably make the world's worst match-making team, Mutual Pining, Nog is pining for Jake, Oblivious Elim Garak, Oblivious Julian Bashir, References to Cardassian xenobiology, Remix Revival 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26742274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KannaOphelia/pseuds/KannaOphelia
Summary: Miles O'Brien has absolutely no desire to see his best friend walking hand-in-hand into the sunset with a Cardassian spy, murderer and questionably tasteful tailor. It's becoming increasingly obvious that he's going to have to set them up anyway, if only to stop Julian pining through their own play-dates.After all, what are friends for?
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Miles O'Brien, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, mentions of Miles O'Brien/Keiko O'Brien, mentions of Nog/Jake Sisko
Comments: 12
Kudos: 125
Collections: Remix Revival 2020





	The Object of My Best Friend's Affections (Amber Orange in the Sun Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DoreyS (DoreyG)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Orange Amber in the Sun](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20918141) by [DoreyS (DoreyG)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyS). 



> I loved the idea of O'Brien having to listen to Julian's hopeless (and oblivious) pining over Garak, and getting increasingly frustrated. So, for this remix, I decided to have him (extremely reluctantly) do something about it. I hope you enjoy where I took this, Dorey!

"Somebody that observant is bound to notice, when the inevitable does happen. I think he knows very well that I have feelings for him." Julian traced a finger around the edge of his glass. To Miles O'Brien, it felt like he had been talking for hours.

"Uh. I'm not sure that—"

"And if he knows how I feel, and hasn't done anything about it, then he must not be interested," Julian finished over him, sadly triumphant. Miles was reminded, yet again, of how strange it was that the smartest, kindest person he knew was also unquestionably the least perceptive when it came to personal matters. "I refuse to humiliate both of us by pushing the matter."

Miles stared at his drink, because it was that or look directly at Julian, and weighed his options. If Julian and Garak formed some kind of romantic bond, then his best friend would presumably be happy, although it was difficult to imagine anyone being happy with Garak.

As a bonus, Julian might possibly transfer some of his demands for attention to Garak, which would ease things in Miles's own marriage. Last night there had been another incident of Keiko being reasonable and kind and pointing out that she _liked_ Julian, and she was _glad_ Miles had made such a good friend, but as far as she could remember Miles had married _her_. 

Miles loved Julian dearly and wanted him to be happy. If what Julian needed to be happy and not endanger Miles's marriage was to be with a secretive, amoral bastard who wasn't fit to lay a finger on his elbow, and had terrible clothes sense for a tailor, then perhaps that's what his best friend should want for him. Also, Miles deserved to be happy in his marriage, and that probably should include having some of his free time available to spend with his wife and daughter.

On the other hand, Julian was set on Garak, of all the misbegotten infatuations. Of course Julian was intimidatingly brilliant, but he was also fundamentally pure-hearted, and turning him over to someone like Garak seemed wrong. Would someone who really loved Julian want him tied to someone as sadistic and calculating and plain annoying as that? Also, would Miles be expected to spend time with Garak and Julian as a couple? Share their precious holodeck time with that damned Cardassian making smart remarks and taking all the fun out of things? Invite the happy couple home to dinner with Keiko and Molly?

"If you two get married, I'm not going to be your bloody best man," he muttered.

Julian looked hurt. "Of course you will. I wouldn't think of asking anyone else. Not that I'm getting married. Ever. I'll just have to drown my broken heart in synthahol and—oh, is that Dabo girl new? I wonder if she's interested in racquetball. Excuse me."

"Bloody hell." Miles sipped moodily at his drink as Julian, in full charm mode, swung over to the new girl. Perhaps Julian's heart wasn't as close to breaking as all that.

Then he glanced across the bar. Garak was watching Julian flirt with the young woman, and the expression on his face increased Miles's distaste for the idea of Garak with Julian. There was a faint sneer on his grey lips, as if he was contemplating some nasty fate for the Dabo girl. Possessive, like all Cardassians, and it gave Miles the creeps. As if someone like Garak had any right to feel that bitterly possessive of a good, successful man he had lunch with once a week.

Then Garak looked down at his hands, and there was something about his mouth that was no longer a sneer, something like despair. For one unguarded moment he looked exceptionally alone, an ageing humanoid in a bar of people who hated him, his one friend chatting up a pretty Bajoran. With no idea that friend would like nothing better than to abandon his new lady friend and fling himself into his arms. Julian had confided once that the Station was hell to Garak, an eternal punishment. Miles hadn't felt much sympathy at the time, having had a pretty clear idea of the kinds of hell Garak would have subjected others to in the past, but in that moment he felt the painful, yielding sensation of pity pulling his stomach down to his boots.

Miles swore to himself. Now he was sorry for _both_ of them.

Which meant he had no choice but to do something about it.

* * *

Miles started by buying a drink for Julian's next closest friend.

"I thought they already were sleeping together." Dax lifted her eyebrows. "So when Julian came to ask for help on opening the deleted files on Cardassian prostate glands, that was for actual medical purposes and not—"

"I don't want to think about it." Miles noticed that Dax was dreamily fixing her gaze on one of the windows, out at the stars. "And you can stop thinking about it, too."

"Oh, no. I was just wondering how often I thought Julian was coming to me for sex and relationship advice, when it was actually something else entirely. It's possible I may have confused him at times." She paused. "Cardassian males have two, you know."

"I told you, I don't want to think about it."

"Anyway, what's the problem, Chief? Julian is in love with Garak, Garak has worshipped the ground Julian walks on since they first met. I'm all for interfering in my friends' romantic lives, but I don't see where we come in."

"Julian," Miles said, "thinks Garak is aware of his feelings but is entirely uninterested in him and would reject him."

Dax turned the thought over, he mouth twitching in amusement. "Don't be silly. It's Julian. It's—oh. Yes. It's Julian. I see."

"He's very handsome in a skinny way," Miles said, oddly defensive.

"Yes. And intelligent. Gregarious. He never has any problem getting the _first_ date."

"Except with you."

"That's different. The thing is, though, as enchanted with him as people are at first, it doesn't take very long for them to realise he is..."

"...incredibly annoying."

"I'm extremely fond of him," Dax said.

"So am I. But he's Julian." They both sighed. "Look, maybe that's a good sign. Garak has consistently put up with regular dates with him for years now. No one else has really managed that since Leeta."

"And you." Dax flashed a grin at him, all white teeth. "How's Keiko doing?"

She was obviously not going to be much help.

* * *

"Hey, Chief."

Miles stared suspiciously at the diminutive figure hissing at him from the stairs up to the Promenade. "What is it, Nog? I'm busy."

"Nothing, nothing." Nog game forward, his mobile hands interlocking and releasing his fingers. "I just couldn't help overhearing--"

"Eavesdropping, Nog?"

"No, no." Nog looked shocked at the very idea. "I can't help it if hum-ons speak so loudly. And I was just touched by how much you care for your friend, and wondering if we could be of mutual profit to each other."

Miles regarded him dubiously. "What do you know about relationships?"

Nog laughed, nervously and self-deprecatingly, his toothy smile still hovering in a way that was probably supposed to be reassuring. "Not as much as I'd like to. But I care about hearts in agony."

"I'm sure you do. What do you want, Nog?"

"The question is what you want. I may have access to one of my uncle's Holodeck programs, that might help solve your little problem.

"You do? And what do you want in return?"

"Not much." Nog's fingers pressed together. "I want to know what Jake's favorite flowers are."

"What?" Miles was caught completely flat-footed. "Why don't you ask him? You live together, don't you?"

"Er in, yes, a manner of speaking. But the information will be of more profit to me if it comes from someone else. And I don't want him to know anyone is asking. If you could perhaps ask his father?"

"You want me to ask Captain Sisko what his son's favorite flowers are? How will I explain that?"

Nog's voice was fast with eagerness. "You'll think of something. You're a married man, he won't suspect you of engaging in hu-mon courting rituals regarding his son."

Miles stared at him. It seemed like love was in the air lately. It was a bit worrying; perhaps they should run a check just in case another alien had invaded the Station or one of the visitors was giving off strange pheromones again or something. Always best to be careful. On the other hand, flowers... that was pretty harmless.

"I suppose I could ask," he said, resolving to ask straightforwardly rather than engage in any deception. It might be worth seeing Sisko's face, for a start. And Nog was a good lad, in his way. Bright and hard-working.

"Oh, thank you!" Nog's beady eyes shone.

"But what about this holodeck program? How will it actually help my friend's situation?"

Nog told him. O'Brien glared at him. "That's the cheesiest thing I ever heard. It's like something out of some terrible old Earth romance novel. Wait, that's not where you got the idea, is it?"

Nog looked shifty. "I may have been doing some research into hu-mon romance. Anyway, do you have a better idea?"

Miles reflected. The only idea he actually had was going up to Garak and saying "Hey, my best friend won't shut up about how perfect you are and how you will never return his feelings, and as he's the Chief Medical Officer and the chances of getting his brain examined are low, how about putting us all out of misery and telling him you love him?" It wasn't so much that directness in general was a bad idea, really, as that he didn't trust either Julian or Garak not to screw up even a romance handed to them on a silver platter. The most cerebral people could also be the densest.

"All right," he said at last. "But you're observing with me."

"Wouldn't miss it!" Nog said brightly.

"Neither would I," said Dax, appearing at his elbow out of nowhere. "Wouldn't miss it for all the latinum in the universe."

* * *

Which was how Miles found himself made invisible by technology in a Holosuite program of, for some incomprehensible reason, late eighteenth century European Earth, flanked by a Trill on one side and a Ferengi on the other. Dax had joyfully dressed up in a whalebone corset and yards of satin, powdered and painted to the hilt, despite being invisible.

"Always thought it was a shame Earth didn't make full contact while Earth still had some kind of fashion sense." She adjusted the cleavage of her gown even lower.

"That only goes for one area and people with a lot of money," said Miles, whose ancestors certainly didn't wear fruit gardens perched on their wigs. He was beginning to feel distinctly guilty. Voyeurism wasn't his style. It had all seemed pure and noble until he had Dax twirling her skirts beside him. Dax could make absolutely anything seem outrageously prurient, and marriage didn't seem to have calmed that down any. He wasn't entirely sure why Nog was with them, either, but perhaps it was less questionable that way.

"Ssssh, he's coming," Dax said happily.

Nog chuckled. "I knew that letting Mr Garak overhear that there was a new holosuite program that Dr Bashir absolutely doesn't want him to get involved in would work."

"Shut up, both of you," Miles warned, as the Cardassian materialized. He looked... utterly ridiculous, Miles decided. Watching a reptilian creature in silk hose and powdered wig was like something out of a deranged nightmare. Even if the hose did highlight his sturdy calves rather wonderfully, and his neck did form an oddly satisfying triangle rising out of the dainty collar.

Julian's hologram turned in beautifully calculated surprise, and Miles made a mental note to let Constable Odo know that Quark was illegally making copies of station personnel again, once this was over. The hologram had the same slender good looks, and the same air of being shaken champagne perilously confined in its bottle. The dusty pink satin outfit and white wig suited his complexion, too, made it look a deeper brown.

"Well, Doctor, what do we have here?" Garak said, in his smooth voice. "If I'd realised you were so taken by _Les Liaisons Dangereuses_ I would have read it more carefully. Although I admit the Marquise de Merteuil was _almost_ the perfect heroine, despite the tawdry device of punishing her with disease for being too efficient.."

"You never did say what you thought the moral was," the hologram said, with impressive aplomb. Probably too impressive. It wasn't showing enough irritation at the program being invaded.

"Why, to never leave evidence in writing."

"Perhaps it was that the repression of passion for convention is wrong," the hologram said steadily. "You might as well know I was intending to invite you here anyway, once I had practiced enough."

"Practiced? What?"

"It's a romantic setting, don't you think?" The hologram stepped closer.

Garak raised an eyebrow, but there was a faint shake to his hands. "Please tell me you didn't intend me to help you entrap some lovely target of your affections."

"Oh, I did. Quite lovely, in fact." The hologram bit his lip in a perfect imitation of nervousness. "Garak, I know you know how I feel about you. I just want to know if I have any chance with you."

"You're saying you have feelings for me," Garak said, carefully.

"I'm saying I'm in love with you. I know you think I'm naive and—"

"All right. We can stop this farce right now," Garak snapped. "Chief, I'm disappointed in you. Don't you think that I would thoroughly check out who had ordered a holodeck program before I used it? If you think I am still so weak and powerless that you can humiliate me at your will, you need to be more careful who you make your enemy. Holodeck, end program." The illusion faded around them. Miles felt sick to his stomach. The whole thing seemed a lot less benign when he could see pain as well as anger in those scale-shadowed eyes. "And Lieutenant Dax, and Nog. If you _dare_ use my feelings against me again, I will ensure you suffer worse tortures than you could possibly imagine. As for you, my _dear_ Doctor..."

Julian, resplendent in dusty pink, grinned at him. "What were you saying about your feelings?"

"Julian, what are you doing here?" Miles demanded. "I thought you were a hologram?"

"I'm going to talk to _you_ later, Chief. I'm not a complete idiot, you know. Besides, Jadzia told on you."

Dax gave her sweetest smile. "I thought he should know."

"So you were mocking me, too?" There was something in Garak's face that went straight to the pits of Miles' soul, despite himself.

"I meant it. I meant every word." Julian swallowed. "I just thought it would be easier to say it if you thought I wasn't real. And I could see how you would react. But now you know, and I know it's no good, so I'll just..."

Garak seized him by the forearms and kissed him.

"So that's that," Dax said joyfully. "Thought it would work out better my way."

"You'll still keep your end of the bargain, Chief?" Nog asked anxiously.

" _She_ can ask the Captain. She owes me. And besides, they're best friends." Miles tried not to look at the couple on the other side of the holosuite. Julian quite enjoyed having his arms pinned to his sides, judging by the sounds he was making. His wig had already slipped to one side.

"All right." Dax smiled at him. "Best friends are practically family, after all. Which means you'll be practically my son, Nog." She draped an arm over his thin shoulders.

"I think I'd rather go see my own family and leave these two to... whatever they are doing," Miles said firmly. Julian was making up for his lack of arm movement by strategically placing his slim thighs between Garak's.

Dax seemed to have noticed, too, because she said critically, "He's not going to get anywhere like that. Cardassians have cloacae."

"I don't want to think about _that_ , either."

Garak pulled his mouth away long enough to snarl "Out, all of you."

"Let's go," Miles said with some relief. Dax put her free arm around Miles back, and the three of them headed to the Holosuite door.

It had closed behind them when Miles had a terrible thought. "Wait, does that mean if things are going the way they seem to, it means Garak is part of _my_ family?"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Dax grinned at him. "Come on, Nog, I'll buy you a drink and we'll talk seduction strategies."

Miles glared at their backs, then sighed, not entirely put out. Julian had seemed _very_ happy indeed. And in the end, that's all he wanted for him, even the doctor had truly appalling taste in men.

Miles headed home to Keiko and Molly to tell them about the new addition to their family.


End file.
